My Hijab and My Family...

First time I stepped on my foot at Bandara Soekarno-Hatta (Jakarta Airport) yesterday was a very dup dap moment for me.

Coz that was the first time my dad seeing me wearing hijab betul2.

Haaa apa plak hijab betul2?

Ye la my dad dah sering tengok me pakai tudung tue, tapi sebab Raya, sebab ada pengajian la, sebab nie tue la... bukan sebab me memang bertudung...

me and iko semalam dalam flight...

me x berpurdah, tue pakai masker sebab flu selepas

packing barang nak pindah rumah tue... hehe...

Hrrm, nape takut sangat ngan my dad?

Me dah cite kan pasal me nak berhijab kat SINI.

Sometimes orang2 yang xberapa support you wearing hijab nie ada kat orang2 yang paling dekat sekali ngan kita.

For example, my mom.

Niat Lillahi Ta'ala untuk pakai tudung nie ada masa mom kat KL hari tue.

Then alhamdulillah ada la juga blogger2 pengomen sejati yang support me untuk berhijab.

Lagi kuat semangat untuk keluar rumah pakai tudung nie...

I think mom was thought I will only wear it for 'saje2'.

But then she watched me day by day I still wearing it.

Til one day she told me this...

MOM: "Betul ke nie nak pakai tudung? Nape?"

ME: "Saje je... (eventho me pakai bukan 'saje2', but don't know tetibe nak jawab camtue plak) Lagipon kan mak, dah kahwin nanti xnak bebankan suami ngan dosa isteri."

MOM: "Tak payah la, u nie macam dah 'betul' jer..."

I was in pause for few seconds...

Tried to figure out what to reply.

Am I that bad until mom said those thing like me nie 'xbetul'?

I know I'm not a perfect muslim (yet). But I'm trying...
She should support me instead of making me 'down'.

ME: "Mom, sholat, mengaji, puasa, naik haji (kalau mampu la), berhijab, tue semua mesti la buat. Kalau belum sempurna, nie la me nak sempurnakan sedikit2. Xkan nak cakap xpayah bertudung ngan orang yang xrajin mengaji, xkan nak cakap xpayah sholat ngan orang yang belum naik haji. Bila bole dapat kesempatan untuk sempurnakan iman dan Islam me nie?"

Mom xjawap apa2, dia balik sibuk ngan DIY tudung kahwin me tue...

Me still bertanya2 kenapa la mom cakap camtue?
Rasa sedeh ade la gak...

Shhh... rasa2 kan kalau xcukup kuat memang xnak la pakai.

Tapi, I promised myself what has happened few years back (yang me berhijab then buka balik dalam 1 minggu) won't happen again now. Insyaallah...

Kne kuat, bende nie cubaan jer...

Have to think positive.

Bukan mom xsupport, she wants me to think deeply about this.

To reform A NEW ME, A BETTER ME.

Bukan suruh nak tanggalkan tudung tue...

I know deep down her heart she's happy seeing me like this.

opppsss no, that wasn't me... sangat cantik...

nie la me:

sila abaikan abang botak kat belakang tue yer... ehehe...

So finally, landed at Jakarta and meet my family with whatever I wear on my head now.

Harap2 la selepas nie family bagi support yang banyak2...

Mom looks ok now. My dad lagi ok.

I know mom won't talk much about this, won't tell me to wear this thing.

Coz she just wore hijab when she had her 4th child.

Memang masa2 muda mom xbertudung lagi, even selepas kahwin pon x.

But that doesn't mean she's not a good person.

She's very kind, rajin ibadah, then when she had my adik bungsu, she went for Haji, then when she came back she decided to keep wearing the tudung.

So I assume she was scare to force me to wear hijab, coz of her past.

And I understand why she didn't wearing one earlier.

Coz my grandma also wearing full hijab when she just had her cucu entah yang ke berapa, dah banyak dah, yang pastinyer.

She wore ciput before.

Ciput tue macam topi yang cover sume rambut tapi still nampak leher.

But now dah full tudung dah :)

me and grandma

My sister in law pon lain cite, she wore tudung when she was young.

But then when she got a job, she took off her hijab.

It was job requirement *sigh!!!*

Then when my brother marry her, he told her to quit working.

Then only she wear tudung again *alhamdulillah*

Love to see her with her hijab.

She is one of my insporations too :)

So, yeah, that's my family nyer history...

My mom pernah cite yang zaman dulu2 perempuan2 lagi sexy2 dari sekarang.

Bole la tengok film2 lama (kalau kat Msia film2 P.Ramlee kot)

Ada ke yang berhijab? X kan?

Mom pon cite bende yang sama, zaman dulu jarang dapat pengajaran agama.

Dahtue sikit orang yang pakai tudung, bole kira pakai jari.

Sume orang pakai baju sexy2, even kat kampong tempat my mom dulu.

Lagi kat bandar, mom cakap, lagi teruk.

Ok, now I just need to settle few things yang tetibe me pakai tudung then kne change plan outfit & hair-do untuk wedding nanti.

Kne cari tudung kahwin and design camne...

A bit last minute but I guess this is the path Allah gave me...

I nak manfaatkan wedding day nie to 'biasakan diri' wearing hijab in front of everyone.

Which sometimes I can accept this thing easily but I don't know how people around me react to this, that's what I'm always worried of.

Too scare people can't accept me for what I am now.

Too scare people talking bad behind me that I'm not eligible enough to wear this.

Even so weird, some of my relatives cakap kat me selepas tgk me bertudung kat gambar FB, "Eh u nie dah nampak macam Malaysian la pakai tudung tue."
Eh? Malaysian sahaja ke yang pakai tudung...
Ish ish ish cam macam dah comment.

I got to be strong and get rid of those bad things out of my mind.

For Allah, I must be strong and assure that what I do now will lead to A BETTER ME.

Insyallah...

Posted in: diary,family,hijab,me