Should I continue my marriage plan?

Lately, every time me nak pi kuar rumah, ada je bende yang hilang...

Honestly been a week or so, I wear tudung everytime kuar rumah.

Everytime nak kuar, ada je inner yang entah letak katne, tudung pon hilang padahal semalam dah siapkan dah untuk nak pakai hari esoknye.

Pastu contact lens hilang.

Wallet.

Kunci rumah.

Every morning ada je bende yang buat kelam kabut...

Especially pasal tudung tue,

I told myself, "Nie mesti cubaan dari Allah, nak tengok malas x me nak pakai tudung kalau inner ngan tudung tue hilang2."

Then hari ini, a very tragic day for me...

Coz hari nie me SAKIT HATI yang tak terkira...

Coz of what? or who?

Who else...

The fiance.

Well, leave the hurt just for me, I won't mind.

But it hurts my mom too.

I hate that the thing made me cry, and mom cry.

I hate it so much.

Until in one extent I really think I CAN'T GO ON WITH THIS.

I can't continue the plan.

Inikah dugaan bertunang???
Letting me and mom stressed out early in the morning rushing to police station here police station there coz of him?
Not to mention hospital if finally we couldn't find him anywhere.
Then no "SORRY" from him?

No "EXPLANATION"?
Don't your parents taught you to say "Sorry"?
To clear up every problem nicely?
To be able to show the PROOF of whatever you said i's true?
I FEEL LIKE I DON'T KNOW MY OWN FIANCE TODAY.
YES, I DON'T KNOW HIM.

I've spoken with mom that the kebaya, the dewan, the catering, we can transfer the deposit and all to other person.

It was just the INVITATION CARD... burn.

No problem, I don't mind if the marriage will often bring me tears in future...

I will be staying in Malaysia, with no family here,

What if someday the thing happen again?

Where should I go to?

In just one day...

So many things has happened.

That make me and mom think twice of the marriage plan.

Owhh I trusted him a lot before, but now...

I think it needs like a gigantic amount of courage and sincerity to forgive him.

I just couldn't imagine what has happened today (or last night)

But I truly KECEWA of him being so unresponsible as a (grown up) man.

In front of his Future MIL summore...

So mom wanted to talk to him, panjang lebar, heart to heart.

Me and mom will be waiting for him tomoro at Singapore.

I don't know...

I'm soooo don't know what to do...
I never expected to be this much!

I don't need his promise, promise this promise that.

I DON'T NEED THAT!

I want him to ask himself how to build back his reputation???

If he thinks he can't do it,

I don't know... I might ended everything here... :(

Kenapa lelaki susah sangat diajak kerjasama?
Kenapa lelaki susah sangat nak cakap jujur?
Kenapa perempuan dianggap musuh padahal kita nie nak menolong?
And all then will only put back the trigger to their head.
Tak ada kebaikan berakar dari kebohongan...

FEELS LIKE WANNA GO SOMEHERE ALONE.

ALONE.

ALONE.

I can't trace your love from all these messed up wires.
I can't even see the depth of the shore coz the water was never so crystal clear.
I can't see you coz you always leave the room dark.
Don't you know it takes time to heal my wounds?



Posted in: diary,family,marriage