Tengah Malam, Sedih 100% Sedih 100% Sedih...

Some time ago, hampir sahaja me dah tak nak kenal lagi dengan 'cinta'. Had one boyfriend for 2 years then ended up just like that, then had another one for 3 years but I knew he's cheated on me (maybe the first one did the same thing) made me lose my trust on guys. WHY ALL GUYS SEEMS SO EASY TO HURT WOMAN'S FEELING? I always say to myself: Semua lelaki memang sama jer, buaya! But sometimes I told myself to stop thinking about it coz one day I might find someone that truly loving me. Not even a single second the guy will think about another girl.

I always wish I could find that special one. Coz for me, once I'm in love with someone, I will never find another guy anymore... 

Like yesterday I just met some friends of mine. One couple is getting married soon. They are engaged for more than a year already. Then she told me, once you engaged, you become THIS SCARED OF LOSING HIM. Thinking of texting him all day long, and keep on waiting for his reply coz if not you will straight away calling him asking "why you didn't reply me". A moment of building each other trust seems too hard to go through. But if both of them finally knows how to treat each other, how to manage the relationship, how TO NOT MAKING YOUR PARTNER WORRY SO MUCH, then everything will be as smooth as the river flows... One moment, I was in a silence. I think I won't be having that kind of worry over Mr Red Ribbon. I trust him so much. Ok, there was once or twice I was a bit suspicious on him coz I founded something I shouldn't have found, but I finally can accept his explanation. I was trying so hard to not be as negative thinking as before, and day by day I think everything is going better and better.

But, what will you do when you finally found something suspicious again? 

What do you feel?

Texting a girl friend that I know is not a problem.

Texting a girl regarding job or other important thing is okay.

Texting a girl just want to say "how are you?" and ask her out, could be okay if I can accept his explanation, maybe it's his old best friend I never met.

But texting that girl, ask her out, then deleted all reply messages from the girl. But forgot to delete the one in sent items is SUCH A SUSPICIOUS THING YOU DO!

Tahu rasa bernafas dalam lumpur?

You can't easily breath rite?

That's how I feel now...

I've been cheated for many times.

I'm just afraid once I feel like I've been cheated again, I HAVE A LOT OF BRAVENESS TO LEAVE HIM. And I'm serious with this.

Now I'm strong enough. Tak macam dulu yang banyak sangat fikir nak tinggal lelaki yang dah wat jahat ngan me. But now I feel like it's just an easy thing to do.

I won't care much anymore.

It's just too hurt for me.

Maaf boleh diberi.

Tapi luka hati tak bole diubati.

PS: So sorry to all, selalu ada session mencurahkan isi hati nie time tengah malam jer... Time tengah bersendiri dan sedih...

Posted in: diary,him